Irma Oquindo-Panganiban

http://blusheeee.blogspot.com/2013/05/MothersDayNaj.html

Sis,

Today, I wish that I you are here with us and
hear the sound of your voice.
But, you had no choice.
I know an Angel held you as your body said goodbye.
But that doesn’t stop my heart from breaking.....
........“I miss you and I cry”.

Thinking that you were gone always bring unhappy memories.
break our hearts and our spirits moan for the loss.
"Why did you have to die?"
Leaving us with these emptiness and sorrow.

These unhappy memories refuses to leave me alone and makes me miserable.  Every time it returns, I feel a quick poke in the eye or jab in the stomach.

Although the memory of being unhappy has the power to hurt  , I try not to be angry.  I kneel and pray......

Asking God to be with us, as we face each day.
Help us to rise in this critical occassion.
Calm our fears , give us strength.
Knowing that you are happy with God
and that ... We remember you
Even when it hurts the most.

And JUST FOR TODAY... HELP ME GOD...

Just for today, help me, God, to remember that my life is a gift, that my health is a blessing, that this new day is filled with awesome potential, that I have the capacity to bring something wholly new and unique and good into this world.

Just for today, help me, God, to remember to be kind and patient to the people who love me, and to those who work with me too. Teach me to see all the beauty that I so often ignore, and to listen to the silent longing of my own soul.

There are so many things I take for granted.  May I not ignore them TODAY..

Just for today, help me, God, to remember You.

Let this be a good day, God, full of joy and love. Amen.

My Sister, My friend

A page in my book of memories was gently turned last 25th of July.

Isn't it weird? I said to myself while waiting for the clock to strike midnight ...and it will be  the  25th of July.  

Telling myself...."Remember...... remember....remember... to send millions of birthday wishes to Doquins (Ronnie) my lovable youngest brother,

 ...." million moments of joy, million moments of love, million moments of pure happiness and million moments of  good health and wealth. In short, a wish for a very very Happy Birthday!"  

THEN at  that same moment....

  ... also receiving an engraved invitation to grief...a split second of being in SHOCK... a merciful  condition... allowing myself to get through...creating a moment of distance between my feelings and myself.

My sister, Irma..leaving us to join the creator....

So many questions?? And only so much that I can think or should answer on  what seemed to be the overwhelming question:      

“WHY?”

Although I was with her that night, I did not see her close her eyes, Or hear her last faint sigh, I only heard from the nurses that you were gone,  Too late to
say goodbye. WHY did she die???  

WHY???

And here is the best answer I can give:   BECAUSE....

Because God saw her getting tired and her cure was not to be, so he put his arms around her and whispered come with me.

Because there are no goodbyes,
Because .. wherever you are, you will always be in our hearts.
Because trials are blessings we don't understand yet.

Because sometimes, life is damned unfair.
Because sometimes, we lose people we love and it hurts deeply.

Because sometimes there aren’t really answers to our questions except for what we are able to discover the meaning we gave them over time.

Because acceptance is yet another of life’s “here’s a side of hurt” lessons and it is never truly acceptance unless it has cost us something to arrive there.

Again, WHY, why you ask?

Because, I answer. BECAUSE........

"INADEQUATE, UNREASONABLE ...... BUT TRUE..."

Because, just BECAUSE........

Lastly why this little space?  WHY??  

BECAUSE I need to  write how much we miss you, Memories of you would take a lifetime to share,,,

JUST as it will take the rest of our lives, to forget the way we lost you.

BECAUSE we Love you with a love beyond all telling,
miss you with a grief beyond all tears... consoling myself...That...

Perhaps,  a few more steps along life’s road,
Perhaps a few more years? a thousand tomorrows,  then by God’s
grace we’ll meet again, Beyond the valley of tears.

PERHAPS... today....

"It's better to cry than to be angry. Anger hurts others, while tears flow silently through the soul and cleanses the heart."